Both of my parents were highschool sweethearts. They were married almost 15 years before my mom left my dad. I don't blame her. Your husband sounds a lot like my dad was. He was physically and mentally abusive. Some of my earliest memories were of my mom getting beat up by my dad. When she wasn't around, I was next in line for the punishment. Look, your husband sounds like a complete waste of life. The longer you subject yourself and your children to him, the harder it will be for all of you to recover from this. It took a few years, but after my mom left my dad, she got her life back together. She remarried and is happy. My dad went down a different path. With noone to take his hate and anger on, he eventually was arrested for attempting a double murder during a drunken rage. He is now going to spend the rest of his life in jail. My mother and myself and my brothers could've been among the potential double murder. I don't know how bad your husband is, but there was a time when my mom thought he was the nicest man in the world. Then he started to slowly mentally abuse her, eventually followed by physical abuse. For the sake of your children and yourself, leave him. Twenty years is a long time, but you can do better than what you have right now.