SolutionIsProcess posted about problems with a room mate and I started to write a post in that thread but realized it was huge and should probably move it out of the thread.

I have a similar, but creepier, problem with one of my room mates. He lives in the basement of a house that we also share with the land lord, with whom I have been friends for over ten years, and we have a bit of shared history from childhood as well.

The downstairs room mate I met at work and we became friends several years ago. My upstairs room mate and I decided it would be the lesser of two evils to have him move in downstairs rather than a stranger when he was looking for a renter. Turns out this was a huge mistake and I'd probably feel safer living with a stranger.

It took a long time to get it into his head that I did not want to wake up in the morning or get out of the shower and find him in my living room waiting for me. At first I was nice about it, then started trying to ignore it, then gently explained to him that it was bothering me, and then had to actually be pretty harsh to get him to leave me alone and stay in his own space. He would bring people through the upstairs of the house even though he has his own entrance, like when I was getting ready for work in the morning, or trying to sleep at night, and make my dog freak out.

He lies about things, really obvious lies, and it scares me what big lies he might be telling if he's so insistent about constantly telling ridiculously bald-faced medium-sized ones. My upstairs room mate came home early to find him in my bedroom a while ago while I was still at work. I am so creeped out by him I don't even know what to do about it. I feel bad for him because he is depressed and seriously question his sanity at this point. I have recommended counseling, and he has gone, but says it doesn't help. I also find him incredibly irritating, and everyone I know also finds him irritating and creepy. I feel awful that he's feeling so bad, but I can't be personally involved in this anymore. I can't trust him at all, and he has full access to the house. I'm so glad he's gone when I'm sleeping at night

He throws tantrums about having to do chores (he is 26) and take care of his cat (which is now incredibly ill) or even do things that require nothing more than common sense to make things go more smoothly for everyone. The only time my upstairs room mate and I go down there is to do laundry, and I leave that until the last possible minute these days so I don't have to see what's going on down there.

His cat is destroying the carpeting and walls, and he doesn't clean its litter box or give it fresh water, feeds it badly and sporadically, and leaves its litter all over the floor so we have to walk through it. It gets tracked all over the place. I found the cat bleeding from his butt last week and begged him to take it to the vet and take better care of it, but he refused to take it to the vet, and promised to feed it and take care of it better, but he says this over and over, and also admits regularly that he does not have the ability to take care of it, but won't do anything to improve the situation or find it a new home. I end up taking care of the cat when I feel sorry for it, and I'm disgusted by how badly he is treating it, and I'm torn between not butting into his business and saving this poor thing's life.

I had to sweep his carpet a while ago because it was so filthy there was no point in vacuuming it. I tried to show him how to clean things a while ago, during which I taught him to dust and vacuume and clean up spills and sweep thoroughly. While vacuuming, I found a couch cover balled up in the corner of the rec room wet and smelling of vomit. He had ample opportunity to move it in the several hours it was taking to do a thorough cleaning job, but left it there for me to find. He insisted he had no idea how it got there or why it was wet or smelled. I was so freaked out I had to leave and was shaking.

I have suggested many times that he spend time with other friends and go out and do things that he enjoys, now that I'm trying to get some distance between us, but he insists on isolating himself because I don't want to be around him 24 hours a day. He has had feelings for me for a long time, even while he dated someone else for a year, and is really inappropriate about it, sending me unwelcome emails and saying things I really don't want to hear.

Part of the issue is that we work at the same company, and I recently switched off of the shift we were both on to get a life of my own, not really about getting away from him, but about changing my lifestyle. He realized he couldn't get onto the same shift I'm on now for practical reasons, so he decided to do the next best thing and switch to third shift so that he would still be home when I'm awake in the evening. He says it was for other reasons (going back to school, which he has since changed his mind about), but a lot of other people pointed out his motives before I even realized it myself, and now I'm even more worried.

I'm actually kind of scared of him now.... I really don't know what he will do next, and it is a source of stress. No idea what step to take next, aside from ask him to leave, and it's not up to me. The upstairs room mate/landlord doesn't take things very seriously or take much responsibility for what happens in the house in general, so I am left to deal with all of this on my own. No idea what to do. Hating all of this.