Ever think of becoming a T, Sannah?! You're pretty good. You're exactly right. I'm ambivalent about my relationship with my T because of past messages, including those by former T who said "I don't want to be the object of your addiction". I also used to post on a BPD forum where many of us left because we were discouraged from starting threads about our relationship and attachment to our Ts! Then, of course, there are those who trigger me on this forum!

On the opposite side, there's my T who tells me to accept all of my parts and is willing for me to hold her hand and feel close to her. Yes, the angel on my shoulder says this is wonderful and healing for me. But, at the same time the devil says "beware"!! The devil is right because I have to be careful to remember my end goal is not just to be in love with and to love my T! I don't trust myself.

Yes, I like to write about my T and post about my feelings because it's like she's here with me. I want to keep the relationship going when I'm not in my session. I know by now my T cares about me even when I'm not seeing her, but it's so good I just want to keep talking/writing about her until I get that need out of my system. Something like that, anyway.