Complaining that he can't wind down after work is a bit of a cop-out, when it comes to taking care of the kids. He's a dad, so there's a lot of responsibility and time investment that comes with the territory. Only knowing the tiny bit you've said about your relationship, I would say that his shift, if he does have the choice to change it, is a good way for him to hide from life in the home. His drinking is could be a way of hiding from everything. Has he ever had personal counseling? Did he drink before he was deployed? Could any of his recent behaviour be due to stress from his work in the military? Or was this behaviour and attitude apparent when you met?

We don't always have a choice what shift we work, though, and jobs are hard to come by in most parts. I had to take a pay cut to switch shifts after waiting several years, and finally getting sick of waiting. Not everyone can afford to make the choice that I did. Shift work is very hard on people mentally and physically, and it makes living like a day-time person almost impossible. My dad has worked nights for 11 years and he stays up in the morning and sleeps in the afternoon to be at work by 10pm. When I worked afternoons, I stayed up all night as well, for the same reason - couldn't wind down that fast after working - and got up just before work. It's not an ideal situation, and I understand that it's difficult for him, but there are priorities that he's maybe not paying attention to right now.

Is there anyone else that can take some of the pressure off of you in taking care of the kids? It's not healthy to be doing everything yourself, for the sake of you or the kids. You can't do everything, and it's human to be overwhelmed by that. Is there any family or friends who can take a day or an afternoon here and there to give you a break?