Hi, I never know if I'm posting in the right forum. So please correct me if i'm wrong.

My story is that I am a 30-year-old male who has been through therapy for a bout 12months. I have made some good progress but at the moment I can not afford to keep seeing a therapist so I'm trying my best to learn as much as I can about myself.

After going through my troubled childhood with a therapist and a hypnotherapist I thought I had resolved alot of my issues from my past which include a alcoholic father and a co-dependent, over-protective mother. Even though I felt like I was making good progress something kept holding me back. After doing sufficient research I have come to the conclusion that deep down I have a narcissitic personality disorder (NPD) and this is the reason I keep getting pulled back when I feel i'm making good progress. I believe I need to deal with the NPD to make further progress because I feel I have dealt with alot of my other issues. NPD especially effects me at work, where on some level I think I'm better than others and I dont like it when someone else performs better than me, infact I feel envy and hate towards them. I sometimes feel that I am 'special' and where I work would struggle without me, I also see now how I try to control certain people aswell. I guess recognising these behaviours is the first step to dealing with them!

From the research I have done, I have come to the conclusion that my NPD developed from my over-protective mother, who bascially did everything for me, I even slept in the same bed as her till I was about 13. I was painfully shy growing up, until my early 20's but I am a more confident person now. I do see that even though my mum is a nice person, she is also controlling and due to her over-parenting perhaps that made me feel on some deep level that I was/am better than other people around me. Is this one of the primary reasons NPD can develop?

From what I understand, NPD can develop very early in a childs development even before the age of three thats why it can be so difficult to treat and overcome. But, I am very determined and I am convinced I'll deal with this!!

I also have trouble with promiscouisty and intamicy. If anyone can recommend any books or give me any advice on dealing with this then that would be great Even though I cant afford to see a therapist anymore, I feel better writing about how I feel.

Thanks for reading!!