I have 2 grown sons that are married and each have a daughter.
My youngest son and wife lived with us for over 3 years before my granddaughter was born. So that they could go to college and work, I retired from education 2 years early to help with the baby. They continued to live with us up until last May. My granddaughter is now 7. We have a very close bond. My dil was like a daughter to me. After the baby came, trouble between us came and went. I understood how she must have felt, so I never once allowed a problem, but spent a lot of time crying in the night. Looking back, I know that I was guilty of making a lot of mistakes. Mainly, stepping in or being intrusive when it was not the right time. I didn't do this on purpose, but it was new territory for us all. When they moved out, I thought that since we had been close like before and no problems for 4 years that our loving relationship would continue. All of a sudden I was an outcast. I didn't see my granddaughter at all for 3 straight months. (I then saw her a bit until April.) They live 3 miles down the road. My son informed me that she didn't want me to contact her because I had hurt her so bad. I swear I still don't know why. In April of last year, all of a sudden she texted me and asked if I wanted to pick her up from school and help her with homework 2 afternoons a week. I felt so thankful. Things continued to be nice until the beginning of this August. I haven't seen my granddaughter in a month. When I text to ask to see her, I get this "have plans".
I'm sorry if this is too long, but I don't know how to shorten it. My son and I used to be so close, but he does as she does. When this happened before, and I started seeing her some, I never mentioned anything to my granddaughter, but she would cry to me and tell me that she would beg to see me, but get punished, and that she would cry herself to sleep every night because she missed me so much. My question is, I am not showing my pain to the world, I have a life with friends and my other granddaughter, but I hurt so badly that I cry every night. Do I just love her too much, and my son too? Is there something wrong with me for feeling such gut-wrenching agony? Thank you for any help you can give.
PS. The other son, wife, and granddaughter is the opposite. I love them equally, but I grieve for my lost ones.