Thank you JD and Rose

Yeah- I have been talking to my boyfriend a little more on this- He doesn't know much on Dissociation, so he is like you guys and says to mention it to the Therapist to get her input.
I tried to call for an appointment or set up with the Bipolar focus organization I want to go and get their input- but I know what I read it is a non-profit organization so I am sure they are flooded with calls for help these days. I will call again today (sometimes I worry i left the wrong number lol).
Sadly this is not insurance it is the county- my insurance has exclusions to this sort of help which is bs, but then again it is low benefit so I understand why. I wish I could afford someone I could see long term.

"No matter what the label, you'll still be who you are dealing with what you are dealing with." so true I've always tried to deal with me and keep my dad's advice of good positive mental attitude can go a long way

Rose- No over load- I am glad you have shared that- the more I getting to know things; I feel as if maybe a better chance to help me on some things.
The Therapist did mention that there was psychologist there and other people that I could talk to, perhaps I can ask to be evaluated by one of them as well to help with what needs to be done in long term.
I was going to ask the Bipolar organization to also share what they found with the short term therapist, I think the more she knows the better she can direct me.

The other day I made a sheet for me- From what I read on the different categories of Bipolar, schizophrenia/psychosis, boarder line personality, and Dissociation Identity and the "Idk where it goes".
And From what I read about the above labels, I placed my "issues" where I felt they belonged with a lot of them with Counter parts (i.e. of maybe of a why or if perhaps a trust issue, etc.)- I am going to take this in to the therapist as well and see if she will talk to me about it and get her in put. Like I don't think I am schizophrenic but I do see "signs" and I have been obsessed with how things are arranged in public areas are messages for just for me...Also with people messing with me, being out for me, stocking me and so on (again I put counter parts with these things, and they are not every day (usually) things). I know it sounds very silly but I can get really into it and believe in them sometimes too much and put too much on the line for them. But I think it would help her with also maybe on where to start with me.

The main thing is a I wanted to get this damn monkey off my back about my family. I believe it is the core of the above labeling if any apply to me- When I get depressed it always comes up in my head- I came from a very broken home, poor me, why don't my parents love me or my siblings, why couldn't they help us out in so many ways, why are some of my siblings so messed up that they did what they did, yada yada yada
which I make light of it now but it is very effecting to me when I am down- I can cry for days over it// I believe it helps with leading to issues of false beliefs with my relationship with my boyfriend and with some other aspects in life. but as was mentioned when I am more stable we can dig into that... I can be callus or make joke of, about this stuff as well- is that not being stable?
I think what you said previously Rose about a person appearing to be stable but isn't- There are times that I seem to be able to pull that off I was horrible in July but yet my bf and i went on vaca to see his grandma and uncle- I was so good at slapping on a smile on my face, being polite and pleasant, and not getting into arguments about some things even though I knew it may should had been due to I felt that i was being pushed. If was a pushed a little more i may have exploded (I am lucky though my boyfriend sees this all in me, we did talk a lot in the car alone about things and he apologized for some of the bad on his part which helped cool me down during the trip)... But I just felt worse after I came home though which then alone time with me can be interesting with emotions, and work can be a ball of *****ing about what others aren't doing and that I hate the job environment!

LOL I just realize, I put that I was sociable on the little scale that the therapist had me fill out for how i was that day- I put a 9 for that, that due to I still smiled and nodded my head to people outside.... but that is not being sociable is it.... I did not want to ask for directions when I was lost, I was in a rush, and if someone talked to me I probably would had ignored them (I probably did not look approachable either to talk to). This again- not trying to be untruthful but it appears I was, after thoughts. Maybe part of nervousness too.. I get this way sometimes of afraid people will look down on me, I don't want pity, I have always been the one to put on the strong persona and that "she'll be ok", to others. Guess I need to let that down a little bit, cause I am not always ok.

blah- thank you all though- I just need to remember keep trying I will try to be better, and talk more on the above I just mentioned about me.... The Therapist may understand?