Hi guys

I have some big news. I am officially engaged I can’t believe I am writing this but I am and I am really happy. Mandy loves daisies so I bought her some today and I spread them all out over my bed with a poem I wrote for her and a small card that said I love you. When she saw them she was really surprised and I got my guitar out and played a song I wrote for her. I’ve been working on the song since we got together and she cried when I played it to her and said it was beautiful.

I told her that she completed me and I wanted to spend the rest of my life completing her and she asked me if I was asking her to marry me which I actually wasn’t but I said I was and she said yes. It all just happened so fast and I didn’t have a ring to give her but she didn’t mind so I got down on my knees and kissed her hand. I am going to get her an engagement ring tomorrow but she doesn’t want me to spend too much money on it because she knows I have only started at my new job and I don’t have much money on me. She even offered to pay for it herself but I told her I wanted to buy it for her.

When I went into this relationship I had the intentions of going slow but we’ve done nothing but the opposite and it might sound crazy but I don’t regret it. Maybe I am just blinded by love and desire but I can’t see myself living a life without her. Since she’s moved in we’ve grown so close together and she’s diminished all the tension inside of me. I feel the happiest I have been in years and I know she feels the same way. I asked her if she thought we were going too fast again and she said there are going to be people like her parents who will think we are but she didn’t care because she loved me more than she has ever loved anybody before.

Mandy is just incredible and she is so beautiful but at the same time she is down to earth and that's what I love about her. I’ve been through so much over the years losing Jessica and Rachel I’ve done some horrible things to people when I was drunk and under the influence of drugs that I can never take back but Mandy sees through all my flaws and she loves me. I don’t think I am a great looking guy. I’m only six foot, I don’t have huge muscles, I am skinny, I’m still seeing a psychiatrist, I’m not rich – I might be one day when I get my writing career back on track but until then I’m just working as a part time computer teacher but none of that bothers her.

I have some low self esteem issues which Mandy says are caused by my past but when I’m with her and I look into her eyes they all disappear. She makes me feel so strong and I feel like I could do anything with her by my side. Nobody was there for me when Jessica passed away. I had to handle everything on my own and nobody was there for me when Rachel passed away either but I know Mandy is there for me when I need her and I am always going to be there for her too.

There are going to be struggles ahead but I think we can survive them together. We are not going to rush our wedding and we’ve decided we are going to wait at least six months until we have it. We are going to buy our own house in that time too and Mandy wants us to move into it after we have the wedding. Once again, I know we haven’t been together for long but I feel like this is the right decision. I was talking to my Grandfather about it and he got engaged to my Grandmother after only knowing her for a month and he had some of the best years of his life with her up until she passed away of pneumonia when I was only four. Mandy and I have known each other a lot longer than that