Okay, I definitely had to take a day to consider and take this post in. When I first told my best friend about my sexual problems, she had the same reaction that amandalouise had. It's understandable. But the way I wrote this..things can be misinterpreted because you aren't in my shoes and don't understand how I feel or how she feels. The whole story is different when you experience it. When I said her arm "hurt" I didn't mean like extreme physical pain that needed to be addressed right away. I meant that within like a few seconds of her touching me she got "tired" and she's admitted to being lazy. She'd spend hours teasing me..fore playing but when it came to the actual sex part it's like everything haulted..and by that point I was extremely turned on and in MY opinion, I don't think that's fair to me. Of course if my partner was in physical pain I wouldn't be selfish and angry with her stopping because I would be concerned about her well being. Do not assume I am a selfish person. I am not. I whenever I have sex actually have pain every time because I have carpal tunnel and it hurts my wrist in any position that I do. But I continue because that's natural. It's natural for your arm to get a little tired because sex is a workout. It makes it more passionate when you continue even when your loosing your breath and you breathe harder. I have addressed every concern that my partner has had. But it always seemed like something was wrong..then it got addressed by a doctor and nothing was wrong. She was fine. I didn't want to assume she was just making excuses up to not be physical with me completely..because she'd fore play so I didn't understand why she couldn't follow through with what was started. I don't abuse my girlfriend if that's what you are getting at...that's actually insulting to me for you to even think such a thing and to write it on here. I don't think what she has been doing is right at all and she even feels bad because she knows it's not right. I don't take anything out on her..or make her feel miserable for not doing what she hasn't done, that is abuse. Not what I do.

I'm not asking for her to be the dominant one ALWAYS. I'm asking for her to take a little more initiative in our relationship. For me not to always be that one in the relationship to do everything that is romantic. I want equality in our relationship. I'm not into fettishes. I'm into fairness. We both want a traditional relationship but right now that is not what it is and that's what makes ME feel lost. Understand? Our relationship has taught me to become someone who I originally never thought I could be..someone dominant..but I'm not used to that..I want equality. Neither of us find actions like pushing each other into a wall..or pinning each other down as abusive..because it's between US. It's romantically sparked and started. I HAVE been abused. I've been pushed into walls. Slapped. Humiliated. I've been sexually abused. I KNOW what abuse is and that is most certainly not what is here. There are no religious ties with how we feel or act either, we are both non religious women and we know each others beliefs. They have nothing to do with this. What the problem is here is a confidence problem, not a philosophical/ religious one.

Anyways, with that said..because this post angered me. We did sit down and talk about it. When both calm. I talked about what I need from a basic relationship. Which is what I give to her. We still are IN those days where we compliment one another and say simple things..we still have romance..you know why? Because love never dies.

See I don't like having to say..hey baby, let's try this tonight. Or I don't like ALWAYS initiating things. I do often. I'm a very sexual person. and I've always been because of the abuse I've suffered. Sex is natural. Spontaneous. Passionate. It just happens. It doesn't happen because you asked "can we try this" or "can we have sex" That's just not natural. I go against that. That takes any spark away from anything that happens for me at least. My woman loves sex. I never hurt her. If she didn't want to have sex then she'd say so and I respect that and don't get angry. I'm talking about the times where she obviously WANTS to have sex..teases me for hours and then decides to go to bed because I didn't initiate anything. That is wrong! Sorry, I think so and so does my therapist and other people who I know. We are NOT in an abusive relationship. We always talk about how we both feel. Which is why she has known that this is wrong because I obviously don't feel desired when this happens.

By the way, I know what true love is. I know what lust is as well. I don't need it to be defined here. I simply asked for advice solely. True love are the simple things that many lack to appreciate. What I've mentioned and what you've mentioned..sex..is just one passionate way where two people who truly love each other express their love for one another. And sex is a really important factor in MY relationship because it shows close connection, trust and faith. I don't need "time" to find love. It's already been found. What I crave is not lust. It's passion in MY relationship.

But thank you for the advice. The other day she actually did initiate. Yes what we talked about did have an impact. She knows I've been hurting because I don't feel as desired in our relationship. Then yesterday I told her that I love her, that she means the world to me and that I don't know where I'd be without her and that she's done so much for me, that I'm grateful and that I appreciate everything she does and that no matter what I feel strongly for her and that I don't need "proof" or sex to know that. If that's how I "came off" Just by reading you're response that's how it seemed to come off. WHICH is NOT how I intended it to. We both have learned to be more confident in our relationship. Good communication is key. And hell, I'll be as honest as they come. I'm not "holding back" any feeling I feel. I know how I feel and that's going to be addressed because if I feel unhappy about something in a relationship it's going to be addressed and hopefully fixed over time. So I'm going with my own advice on this one.