Quote:
Originally Posted by roseleigh7
Was I just born with too much NEED? I feel like I NEED too much and I always have. I know that no one really gets ALL their needs filled from babyhood, but lots of people don't turn out so messed up like me.
I feel hopeless. I think I can never get this hole inside me filled. No one can ever love me, let alone like me. I just want out somehow. I can't, CANNOT live with myself. It's too painful.
I don't want to go to therapy anymore. Maybe I'm done with it? How do you know when you're "unhelpable?"
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((((((((roseleigh)))))))
I'm sorry you're feeling so sad and hopeless
I know you're not "unhelpable", because I really believe that we can ALL heal. Every single one of us.
Your status update says you are "trying hard to be okay". What if you ARE okay, just how you are? What if where you are this second is where you are supposed to be this second? I have a piece of paper hanging on my mirror that says "I am okay just how I am", and I try to believe that in the moment, I AM. That doesn't mean that I am perfect, that I don't have things I need/want to change, that I haven't made mistakes, that I don't have healing to do. It means in this moment, I am okay how I am, right now, this breath. You are too.
I SO know the empty feeling you are talking about. I distinctly remember the first time I felt it, early in therapy, and it HURT. I wonder if everyone has that, and we are just more aware of it than other people? If that's true, then maybe that means that we will reach out more, try to connect more, work on loving an being loved more than the people who aren't aware of it, because we need to fill it up.
I don't want to be all pollyannish and make it sound like "yay, pain is good!" because I *know* really really well how badly it hurts. But there is always hope. THAT is something I really really believe.
