Quote:
Originally Posted by roseleigh7
Was I just born with too much NEED? I feel like I NEED too much and I always have. I know that no one really gets ALL their needs filled from babyhood, but lots of people don't turn out so messed up like me.
I feel hopeless. I think I can never get this hole inside me filled. No one can ever love me, let alone like me. I just want out somehow. I can't, CANNOT live with myself. It's too painful.
I don't want to go to therapy anymore. Maybe I'm done with it? How do you know when you're "unhelpable?"
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I remember asking my T what it is I need to fill that hole inside up? she gently replied, "thats what we are working at to find out".
Of course there really isn't a "hole" just a feeling of emptiness. This is about very young feelings where an outside container - "a good enought mother" didn't have the abilty to help us understand our feelings, which in turn helps us become who we are, so we are left unsure of who we are, just a bucket full of other peoples projections. This isn't something that cannot be healed, just takes a lot of time on our part learning to throw out what isn't us and fill up with what is us.
Imagine walking around only thinking of what other people seem to think we are? that would be an awfully lonely place to be - feel like a big hole.
Therapy is the avenue I choose to be heard by myself and by a witness, thats how I found the way through that hole.