So... you're in a relationship, and you're worried that your boyfriend would go behind your back to have sex with someone else. But you are willing to do that to him? Especially if he "F***s up"? What exactly would that entail, if not what you are already considering doing to him? How would you feel if your boyfriend secretly wanted to have sex with another man and was writing this same post on a website somewhere right now? If you f*** up he'll go and do it?

You want to have control over this entire complicated situation, that you wish to initiate yourself. He can't do anything you don't want him to do once it starts, but you're afraid he will be upset by the things you want to do. You're creating a double standard. It sounds like you want to have your cake and eat it too, regardless of his feelings "or whatever".

OK, now that that possibly completely inaccurate rant is over-with (correct me if I'm wrong), let's talk about practicality. Is your current boyfriend aware of your history when it comes to participating in cheating? Is your boyfriend aware that you have an attraction to females, and that you have had sexual experiences with females in the past? Is he aware that some of these experiences have been with multiple partners? How ok is he with any of these ideas? Because that will be a pretty good gauge of his reaction to your current desires.

From personal experience, I have a lot of women and men trying to drag me into their relationships as a sexual prop when they find out that I am bisexual. As though my sexuality somehow makes me open to just about darn well anything. "Bisexual" is not synonymous with "poly-amorous", or "promiscuous", but people treat it like it's all the same. It's insulting and aggravating. However, some people are totally cool with that, and if you look you'll no doubt find them.

The people I have known personally who get involved in this situation are confused and hoping that they can keep their partner from straying by allowing the straying to take place, as long as they are fully aware of what's happening; they delude themselves into feeling like they are in control of the situation and therefore can not be hurt by what is taking place, when in fact it is crushing them. They are so afraid to lose someone who doesn't even really want to be with them that they are willing to put themselves on the line physically and emotionally, instead of looking for what they really want, which is someone who will respect and love them in a partnership. Make sure that your boyfriend does not do this, if you are really serious about wanting what you want.

Of course there are tons of polyamorous people out there who seem to make it work, though what you are suggesting isn't quite polyamory. And your boyfriend may very well be as interested in bringing a human female sexual prop into your bed as you are. You never know until you try. Be honest with him.