Hi there,
I have been struggling with depression for probably my entire life. (Though it was never diagnosed or admitted, I think my mother does too). The past year or 2 have been progressively worse though... And after much personnel struggling, I'm finally looking for help. I honestly feel like it really is a "chemical" thing... I don't want to be like this, but even when I truly, deeply want to be happy, and SHOULD be happy...I just don't feel happiness anymore.

BUT...I am absolutely terrified to take that first step in finding a doctor. I don't know anyone in the area where I live who could recommend one, and of course the insurance company just gives you a list of names of "preferred providers.".

I'm so confused as to where to start.... Do I just pick a name out of the list? That seems...scary. If I make an appointment but don't like the doctor, do I have to pay? (as in, do you have to pay for an initial "meeting/consultation") What's the protocol for finding a good doctor that I'm comfortable with???