Larry,

It is good that you have your sister working with you for the best interest of your Mother. I went through a similar situation just over a year ago when my Mother was dying of cancer, being the only family member left, & the only child.

None of the Dr's were willing to deam her incompetent of making rational decisions which caused me to have to live through a horrible ID theft trauma.

I got her surgeon to admit her into the hospital after she told me that "she had lost her balance" & slid down to the floor. Come to find out, there were blood clots in her legs & either a blood clot had caused a mild stroke or the cancer was spreading to her brain. The Dr's excuse was that she was getting older & people with cronic illnesses start loosing their cognative abilities. I found out later that both the Social Workers & her Dr's wanted to discharge her to a care facility but I put in many requests to be part of the discussions & never once was called to arrange that to happen. She was discharged in worse condition than even when she had come in.....by telling the PT's that she didn't want to do the walking. When she left the hospital she could no longer even use the walker & her mind could no longer even figure out how to make change for $100. I saw this all happening & couldn't get the Dr's to do anything about it & for some reason refused to take away her making her own decisions which were no longer based on anything except emotions of wanting to be at home. If I had been part of the discussion, I never would have allowed her to go home & she knew that, so made sure I wasn't there for any of the discussions. I even put in requests at the nursing station with the social workers to call me & make sure I was there for the discussions, but it never happened.

Even after the home care RN that did all the ID theft & OD'ed my Mother on morphine & had the police called to accuse me of abusing my Mother all in 5 days, & I had my Mother taken back to the hospital by the paramedics, she continued to tell the PT's how well she got around the house with her walker while they were just trying to hold her sitting up in her hospital bed which she couldn't do by herself. She couldn't hold a conversation but for some reason, the Dr's refused to take away her ability to make her own decisions even then. I guess there is a fear that family will take advantage of the situation, but it is very sad at what my Mother went through because they wouldn't include me in on the care information. I finally had to do the paperwork for the hospice care & for everything else, but not once did they ever legally take away her right to make her own decisions up to the day she died.

It sounds like you & your sister work well together for the best interest of your mother, but no matter what, make sure that you are part of the information loop with the Dr's.......this comes from a person that realizes that I should have pushed harder at being part of the whole picture.

It is very hard working with a mother who is a very strong willed independent person who is not willing to listen to reason......but as long as you have the support of each other, you will probably not end up going through the horror experience I went through. It is wonderful that you both care for your Mother like you do. It is really hard when you care & are pushed away by them like I was. Unfortunately, the stress that I went through with her hit me with not being able to eat & turned into a massive weight loss that landed me in the medical hospital.

I hope that you both are strong enough working together to make sure that the best & appropriate care is provided for your Mother & not necessaraily what she wants if it is wrong.

Work together like you are now & hopefully nothing like what happened to me will be able to happen to your family........we never are sure of what is behind the door when our parent is alone at home with any medical problem that even supprisingly pops up. You are on the right track with your mothers best interest in your minds & I pray that she will be getting well, but always keep what you are experiencing in mind because as they get older, more issues tend to pop up.

You have my best wishes for your Mother & for you both,
Debbie