I don't know which forum would be best. I have horrendous fear gnawing away at my insides that came on kind of recently. I guess that would be anxiety. I have a history of being fearful of interpersonal relations under some circumstances. It's kind of a social anxiety. But it's specific to certain circumstances, and I am just fine in many contexts.

I lost my job a year ago and became seriously depressed and have been getting psych treatment. I have been on antidepressants most of my adult life and do better on them than off.

My depression improved a lot since July 21. I have been having long intervals - like over a week at a time - when I am not depressed. It had been wonderful. I felt so good that I got much more active in looking for a job. For some reason, I started worrying the other day about being too old to interest employers. Oh, yeah, age can be less important if one has special skills. I don't.

I am right now coming out of a spell of being terrified that I won't find a job. I don't show any physical symptoms like people have with panic attacks. There are no symptoms that I can discern. It seems to be purely a mental experience and it is nightmarish in quality. It is awful. This is worse than any depression ever was.

I am so scared that I almost don't care. It's like I am floating in a state of mind where I don't have any concern about anything, and that is necessary because if I let myself feel the concern, it is intolerable. So I know I have - or I believe I have this monster of a problem, and I am terrified. At the same time, I am not caring about it because it is too awful to take seriously.

Well, now I'm really upset just from describing it. I have a new pdoc. I don't believe I can even explain this so anyone could understand what I'm even talking about. I guess that is all there is to say. (Well I am having physical symptoms now.)