PBJandPickles,
I've dealt with depression for the last 9 years or so, and have been on meds for much of that time. For me, most of the meds I've tried have not caused me to be in a "haze." I think at some points, they have relieved my depression enough for me to be able to work on some of my issues in therapy. Therapy has also been a lifesaver for me. Depression is still something I struggle with, but I think I cope with and manage it much better than I did several years ago.

As far as the med question goes... you describe yourself as "blue beyond blue"... have you seen a therapist or a doctor about what you are going through? Depression is a really hard thing to handle on your own. I wonder if it would be wise to seek support and get a professional opinion about if you might need meds, and what might or might not be helpful for you? I read a study a while ago that looked at how people's brains changed during therapy, and showed that therapy causes some of the same neurological changes that antidepressant medications do. Meds, therapy, both at the same time, support groups, etc... my suggestion would be to seek support in whatever way you can, to help you get through this time. And, keep posting on PC.

peace,
Garden Gal