Thank you, very much, for your understanding and experience, eskie. The situation is summarized right here, "I even put in requests at the nursing station with the social workers to call me & make sure I was there for the discussions, but it never happened." Your mom had veto. They would surely have told your mom that you were requesting an opportunity to attend, but they can't make her do it. It's all about control.

It doesn't rain, it pours. We only just did my dad. Three weeks or so ago. Inhome consult with him and us and a community care nurse. Over two hours, assessing his needs and the availability of service. He thought we were trying to put him in a care home. He was scared sh*tless. But we were there to help him stay in his home, with his friends, as long as possible.

He had fallen, said he lay there for days before someone found him. He was using a walker that he'd borrowed. When we asked why he hadn't gone to the hospital when he was found, he said, "They're not around. They've been closed for three weeks. What could I do?" 911 didn't even occur to him.

He had open-heart surgery with an alcohol drip, so he wouldn't go into withdrawals on the table. He had a prescription for four beers a day, in the recovery ward, following surgery. They moved in a little fridge, and the nurse would come in and pop one open for him, four times a day. It's best he lives alone, as long as he possibly can. He's happy, with all the supports now in place. Like a pig in *****. Meals sent in. The nurse comes once a week to check his meds and do blood draws, etc. Drivers set up for medical appointments. An emergency button he wears round his neck.

Now, my mom. Three weeks later. Quite a different situation. God, give me strength.

Thank God for routine. I have a routine, to get through by. I have trained for this day.

Lar