It sounds almost like you are having dissociative states and maybe even some psychosis. You really need to see a pdoc. Legally any doctor you see CANNOT discuss you with another doctor unless you've signed a release form. It is a violation of HIPPA and you would have ground for a lawsuit against the doctor and your boss if you boss fired you for your mental illness status. You really sound like you need help. Most places offer a sliding scale. If you have to go to the ER, they should be able to help you get the help you need.