T vacations are hard for me, but he's taken A LOT of them over the past 4 years, so I'm getting used to it.

The first time I cried in therapy was after a T vacation. I just laid on his couch and sobbed. His being gone (and coming back) brought up SO many big feelings for me.

The best time was when T took something with him that reminded him of me and kept it with him the entire time he was gone. It was work trip, not a family trip, and it meant a lot. I have the thing he took right next to my bed now (it's something from his office) and I feel like it soaked up all of this strength and healing from the place T went and I love it. He is going away on the same type of work trip for the next two weeks, so tomorrow, we're going to figure out how to make that more okay.

Sometimes I make him little things - like a little knitting project or I color a mandala or something - and that helps. I write e-mails that I usually don't send. I have messages on my voice mail to listen to.

Really, reading this, T takes really really good care of me when he's gone. AND it's still hard.