There's this gal that I work with....she's always worried about what ppl say/think/do. She was all concerned about where I was at any given moment, and what I was doing. She's also very vulgar. She has no sense of...ladylike behaviour, let's say. Not that I DO, but she was particularily irritating last night.
'Magick, where are you'
'Magick, did you let the supervisor know you're back from your break' (mind you, she's a peon, just like me).
I just wanted to smack her. When I'm working, I like being left alone, and she was pretty clingy. On top of that, she was talking about the comparison of a bratwurst and her husband (don't ask!), and UGH the VISUALS!! When she knew she was irritating me, she did it more, so I went to the supervisors. Their solution? Distract her...change the subject. They thought the topic was pretty amusing, too. It seems like nobody takes me seriously. I bet if I acted out my frustrations on them, they'd take me seriously! I started calling miss vulgar, 'Popeye'. She asked me why, and I told her that she has a mouth like a sailor. I don't think she got the message.
Sometimes I think that I'm so much better than everybody else...that I'm above them. This is so contradictory to my depressive state, but it goes hand in hand with my anger issues. If I'm in a mood, the littlest thing can be extremely irritating.
There's a question I keep asking myself...why is it so important to others that I'm in a good mood? If somebody at work sees me, and I'm not smiling, they'll say, 'smile'...ok, should I sit up and beg, too? I...am...my..own...person!!! I'll smile when I'm damn good and ready, capish??
Maybe I'm not cut out to be around people. I feel like a caged tiger, being manipulated by people and my surroundings. I want to stay home, where I'm safe, and I can do my own thing, and maybe even sleep. I know that's not how the real world works, but that's my whole point. I'm tired of being in the real world. I like my world better, dammit.
I know...I'm rambling. I do that alot. Thanks for listening.