dude, you said you smoke pot alot? I dint read all of the posts, but I used to smoke a lot of pot nd that could be why your "missing" some feelings and then feeling bad about it later, and the reason for some of the other things..People say its only pot, but if your stoned a lot it has an effect on many areas which you may not realize...I was a major pothead for years and was prettty much like you describe yourself, but I was too young and stoned to realize it...and I would wager a hundred bucks you either didnt really kill the hamster or that it was an accident....