Last week: an amazing amount of insight and understanding
T said: you have worked hard and have done well
Feelings: wonder, happiness
Effects: great peace, an actual sense of growth, optimism for future

This week: realization that T has assigned me to watch for, track, challenge & report back what she calls a "cognitive distortion" but which is really a basic, basic defense mechanism that is very important to me & I have NO intentions of giving it up; doing this exercise serves only to foster shame and even more self doubt, which I cannot afford
T said: (haven't seen her yet, this week's appt cancelled)
Feelings: rebelliousness, defeat, self contempt, discouragement
Effects: willing acceptance of all negative thoughts; bitter futility.

I hate therapy. TIme to stop.