Quote:
Originally Posted by sittingatwatersedge
I hate feeling like I have 6883435478505 things wrong with me. Still. Yet.
I hate being asked to document (read: admit in writing) that my perceptions are so profoundly twisted that I wouldn't know the truth of life, of people, if it came up and bit me. I don't believe that, I don't want to believe that, and I resent the **** out of it being implied, even.
Most of all I hate the fact that two weeks ago, I could really understand what she was saying about distortions, calmly, intelligently, without defense getting in the way, and now am back on defense big time & she is speaking an alien tongue to me. I'm certain that her words have not changed; the defect is in me.
I hate it. 
sorry  |
You know - it takes time for us to change. You had an experience of understanding and that felt good. But it's unreasonable to expect that we can maintain these new experiences when we've had years of less healthy experiences. It takes time for a more solid and secure understanding to take hold.
But at least now you know what it feels like to understand and you will return to that state again and again. Sure, you'll fall and crash at times but then you'll get up again. You know the whole analogy of learning to ride a bike - same with us as we try to find our emotional balance.
At my T keeps explaining to me - 'it doesn't happen quickly nor in a linear easy to follow path."
Try to be easier on yourself. Release as much as possible your self-condemnation. Explore the idea of 'patience' and self-forgiveness. Slowly turn your mind's obsessive thoughts to all that's 'wrong' with you to that which is 'right' with you. Because those things that are 'right' are valid and important too.
And that which you don't want to do - don't! Everything has its proper time and it's probably not yet the time in which you can do the exercise your T wants from you. Slow and easy is much more effective than forcing stuff. Remind your T of that.
