Hey Cloudchaser.
I'm new here too & saw a lot in your post that I feel as well. I think it's been about 2 years since I've been me as well, and I've also been searching online for help/advice/information & finally am taking a few steps towards getting more help. It's really hard!!
I am also concerned about being able to afford proffessional help. Do you have insurance? That can help some, And even if you don't, I think it's worth it to scrape up some money for at least as much help as you can get... Because if your in a real depression, and don't get help, that only makes it that much harder. This coming from someone who hasn't gone for help yet either...lol. But seriously, what I keep thinking is that yeah, this is going to be a strain for me to afford treatment-but if I DON'T, then I'm going to STAY stalled, stuck, depressed....and then I REALLY won't go anywhere!!
One more thought before I go, you mentioned going to the women's clinic... While it seems that they *did* kind of blow you off, do you think that maybe if you persisted there would be help to be found there? Let them know that it's not as simple as just "relaxing" and that you really need help. That you are ASKING them for HELP.
Anyway, I wish you all the best from one newcomer to another...