Hi, I can relate to what you have written. I hate the suicidal stuff and find it quite frightening, so in many ways the numbness is a respite for me - but I also understand that the numbness can be awful too, for me like I am so detached from everything and alone. I do think it is my mind / body's way of protecting me from the overwhelming feelings though -they are both horrible.

I have found however awful the suicidal stuff is, it does pass eventually, so take care, keep safe and know when to ask for some help. Soup