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Feel stifled or maddened by themselves? By their inability to properly connect or invest emotional worth into certain things, like goals or interests... I've just been extremely angry recently, a lot of it for this reason.
Music & literature, specifically poetry, are very important to me. I used to even be known for writing a lot up until the past year, when things have gone downhill within my mind due to being wholly self-realizing. But I was never even able to connect to my writing. It was all a bunch of metaphors thrown onto a piece of paper in rapid succession to parade around as a piece of well thought out & meaningful writing. The same with my short stint in oil pastels & painting, along with the sparse drug-induced imagery. And music does stir this strange euphoric feeling within me if it's something really well constructed, but I don't have any way of translating that energy to... Anything useful.
It just pisses me the **** off. Not to sound like a narcissistic jackass (iiironnyyyyy), but I feel like there's this strange little ball of potential welled up inside of me that is completely inaccessible & only exists to make me infuriated. There's potential for something larger, but there's no way of getting to its core.
The only reason I posted it here is I think it could be related somehow... That's just how it intuitively feels & it's the only thing that makes sense to me right now. Other than the obvious possibility that perhaps I haven't found my calling yet, but even if I did, what would be the motivation if I couldn't truly enjoy in every essence what I was doing? What would be the point of investing my energy into something when I was only getting a half-assed representation of what it is?
Any thoughts would be appreciated. Sorry for the ranting. I'm just struggling to find coherence when it comes to expressing... Whatever this is.
Last edited by Anonymous100180; Sep 03, 2011 at 07:41 PM.
Reason: Grammar.
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