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Old Sep 03, 2011, 09:50 PM
Anonymous100180
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I don't think it's done anything positive for me. Though I've always been this way, I cannot correlate anything positive to bipolar that isn't a part of my own personality aside from the affliction.
If anything, it has made me more confused & weak. Though hypomania can sometimes result in higher creativity, productivity, & clear thinking... More often than not I just get thoughts that won't stop racing long enough to put a poem together, undirected motivation that leads to destruction vs. productivity, & muddled thinking that often leaves me frozen. And depression completely contradicts who I am as an individual, confident & optimistic & active, so I don't think I need to go into that. Psychosis is also a whole 'nother ballgame.
I'm not trying to act like it is some giant, unmanageable curse... But I also don't think it is a "super-me". Yes, every facet of my mood & behaviour is elevated, but often to a point where it is nothing but a nuisance. So in that way, it is definitely "super" but it's nothing I would feel comfortable glamourizing.
I would rather come to terms with myself without being burdened by an extra load of psychological complexity that takes up more time than necessary. I'd be perfectly happy to be as complex as everyone else, without any extra weight, & be able to devote that extra energy to something more useful or enjoyable.
But since I don't have that choice, I use it as a learning experience & a test of my patience. But there's nothing I would deem is my "favourite" about it. Just my two cents. :P
Thanks for this!
SunAngel