Hello, moxycrayon. You mentioned you are getting help. I suggest you print copies of your posts for your treatment team. I question whether the treatment you are receiving is adequate.

Are you safe? Do you have a safety plan: http://psychcentral.com/lib/2006/ste...stic-violence/

Do you think you are being abused? http://psychcentral.com/dvquiz.htm

Good luck.