I remember some of being a child and how some things meant so very much to me? Things that I could care less about now, wouldn't blip my radar? When we're children, we have so much less experience, so many fewer days to connect with other days; think about how "long" summer seemed as a child; that was because you'd only seen 6-8, total! It was still a novelty.

Now think of getting your meals "delivered" and your diaper changed when you cried and picked up when you cried a different cry and people being attuned to you pretty much and a year or two goes by and you get "No!" a lot and there are interesting looking things you're not allowed to touch/explore and you actually have thoughts but more word pictures and not quite the wherewithal to ask questions or express yourself clearly for the adults to understand; extremely frustrating!

So, you arrive at your son's age, with his very individual thoughts and background and ideas of how things work and come up against your parents' also very individual thoughts and background and ideas of how things work and there's a will clash. You want things to work a certain way and the adult wants things to work a different way; whose way gets followed? Probably the adults'. Now, before you decide the adults' way gets followed because they're "bigger", remember that the child still does not have as much information as the adult, as much of an idea of how things can/do/"should" work. From a child's point of view things can look unfair and hurtful that may be for their own good; yes, being hit or jerked around is still physical abuse, being called names or yelled at when the adult has a problem of their own, or ignored when one truly needs help is still mental or emotional abuse but not all the child's problems are caused by their significant other adults.

Which leads me to, where do you get off deciding that, "I see some of the ways that my son reacts to hurt and closes himself off from people that remind me of some of the direct effects from the abuse that was done to me as a child" is what is happening? Your son is not you! He's got his own problems. You are not your abusing parent(s), you have your own problems!

The purpose of "seeing some of the ways that my son reacts to hurt and closes himself off from people" is so you can see if you can help your son learn to respond better when he feels hurt. It's all learning. You and I may not have been taught well, may have been left in the bitter dregs of our hurt but we are adults now and can learn differently in therapy and we can learn to respond to and teach our children differently.