When I get to feeling helpless, the only way I know out of it is anger. I have to ignite the anger rockets to get me out of the helpless/hopeless mire.

I don't know how old you are but I would try to relax and quit struggling to get to the core right now, trying to force the potential, and would try to "float", on top of it all. I'm not saying act shallow, but rather, accept and wait. Keep doing the things you normally do and keep watching and wondering and collecting experiences. See if you can discover more subtle feelings, explore why you collect the "bunch of metaphors thrown onto a piece of paper in rapid succession" that you do (as opposed to others) and experiment with the music and try to get "degrees" of stirring.

Looks like you have an all-or-nothing sort of dichotomy of feelings going on? My therapist once said about me that it was like I had a broken thermostat; everything was the same weight. Later she commented, "a wet towel on the bed is not a murder" and I like that; I truly would react as strongly to a minor inconvenience (wet towel on the bed) as I would to the large, important happenings? I still often feel I need to be "hit in the head with a two-by-four" in order to "understand" some things. It's not supposed to be that way, that constant intensity.

I imagine you are now frustrated because you cannot imagine it any other way, can't imagine allowing the hopelessness to becalm you? You must feel! Use that energy to start looking for and try to see the lesser gods, find books to read that express how you feel but also show how to progress beyond that (I recommend Erich Fromme and To Have or To Be, http://www.amazon.com/Have-Be-Contin...dp/0826417388/)