Hello everyone,

I am 19 years old, and still need 2 high school credits. This is because from ages 16-19, I have been hospitalized in a psych ward 9 times, some of these admissions lasting a long time.

Since I am 19, I have to sign up at the "adult learning centre"...registrations start in 2 days. I am nervous, because I have had to withdraw from 2 semesters due to hospitalizations. I am afraid that school stress will catch up with me, trigger a depressive episode, and land me in the hospital again. I am afraid of failure.

I am also depressed because I am not as "smart" as I used to be. I used to be a low-high 90s student, taking university level courses. When I had several ECT treatments done, I noticed that my grades dropped a bit. Not a ton, but a bit. (From mid-high 80s). I guess it bothers me because I was always labelled as the "smart" girl, the girl who could do anything she wanted with her life.

Once my mental health issues began, I slowly but surely began to stop thinking of myself as intelligent. I even decided to attend college instead of university (not saying that college is bad, but I've always wanted to attend university).

Because I have been doing significantly better though, I want to try getting enough university level courses to attend university (I need 4 more to make the cut). But I am worried about the workload, the stress, etc.

Sorry for the complaining rant...I just feel like I can't talk to anyone about this.