I am a 40 y.o. married, male, sex addict and also suffer from severe anxiety. I see and have seen a female therapist for a couple years now. As a man and a sex addict it is very easy to be triggered or want to act out, I am also an exhibitionist.
Here is what I am having trouble with. Recently I saw my therapist panties when she got into her chair for session, she often sits curled up in it and always wears dresses and skirts. This is about the 5th time I have seen them or up her dress in recent months. 3 weeks ago she leaned forward and I could see one of her nipples as her blouse and bra came forward. I told her as I have told her in the past when I can see her panties. She said I must be mistaken. I assure you I am not. As an addict who finds her attractive I look for these things. I know when I see them. Well last week I accidently took a whole Viagra before our session with all my morning anxiety and depression meds. I just wasnt thinking and I am new to having them. During session I became aroused and told her such because we were having a frank discussion about sex and the trouble I have had climaxing. (The reason I have Viagra is because the SSRI drugs reduced my ability to ejaculate at all and I was told this would help). I noticed several times that she was glancing over at my clearly visible arousal in my shorts. This just made me worse as an exhibitionist (and yes she knows I am, I have always been very open and honest). I actively began to move my erection with my arm as I tried to hide it but just again made it worse. Finally after about 15 minutes I suggested that maybe I should masturbate as I had not climaxed but had sex several times over the previous couple weeks and was very frustrated combined with the working Viagra and still changing cycle of meds I take. She suggested I cover my self with a pillow and go to the restroom to try. I didnt want to risk that so I asked if I could in her office, she agreed that would be safer and got up to leave. As she was leaving I was so aroused and into it I pulled my erection from my shorts and began before she left the office. She stopped at the door to get something, turned back and took a long look at my genitalia in my hand and then left. I did not climax because I thought she was angry or was going to fire me as a client for my behavior. She returned about 5 minutes later and knocked, asked if I was ok. I said there was no success and she came in and we finished the session. I sincerely apologized for my behavior and she said it was ok. Never once did she get mad, seem upset or scared. Is it just me or do I see several red flags in her bahavior? I ask, did she possibly enjoy this or want to be a part of it? As a sex therapist she is aware I would be attempting to see up her dress or down her shirt? Is she VERY understanding having known me for so long and let it slide? Should she have ended session and sent me away or even called the police for my behavior. As far as I am concerned she allowed me to act out. Is it possible she is actually a sex addict as well and also an exhibitionist and has been in a sense taking advantage of me all this time and now is starting to act out herself towards me? We often will have a hug after a session before I leave or she will pat me on the back. I have read that is also a no-no. I have a feeling I know the answer but should I seek out a new therapist? I am getting to the point to where I am addicted to coming to see her and I think she knows it.