I can feel your anxiety level through your post and can relate. I don't think you are stupid at all by fearing the thought of losing control. Not being in control gives us the feeling that SOMETHING may happen again, could be anything, but something nonetheless. Oh how I can relate. Sounds like something you really need done. Try some relaxation techniques like breathing and prayer, if you do that as well. Sometimes if you don't, others can fill in the gap for you. I will pray for you. <font color="#880000"> </font>