Thank you for the posts above. I feel less alone. gma45, you seem to totally get the apathy that, I think, is a case of caring so very much that you can't stand it turning into letting go of caring at all. Funny how there is like a trade off between caring and depression. I found, as I recovered from depression, I became overwhelmed with serious worry.

Gee, popeye, I am a nurse, too. Partly why I went into this field is because I thought it would give me security. That it was a physical job was a big attraction for me. When young, it is hard to imagine that physical capabilities can change so much over time. I'm sorry that you have such constraints on your activity. None of my physical problems are what I would even remotely call severe. Just being 58 has me shocked at how I am slowed down. Psych symptoms do affect my work capability, also. I used to think that as I got older, I would have less problems. Not that way at all. I am convinced that there is nothing about being as scared as I feel that you do not totally know all about.

I expect that I will get an opportunity to work again. That will lose me my health care plan that is through the county based on very low income. BTW, the health care that I have now based on being low income that is through some county fund and delivered by the local state university run hospital is far better than health care I have ever had before, even when I had great insurance.

As bad as this feels, and as poor as the options seem, I keep feeling that I must have been very wrong about something and I am having to pay for it . . . that I brought this all on myself through some terrible offense.