The basement has its own kitchen and living areas, which are shared with the other renter. The other renter thinks that I am the maid. She makes a mess everywhere and leaves it, including garbage heaps. When I ask her to help clean up, she hides in her room for a week (I asked her to pick up some of her garbage on Wednesday - she rolled her eyes at me, got up and went to her room, and I haven't seen her since. The garbage is still there).

I am working on cultivating other friendships, and keeping myself busy with things away from home as much as I can. I think maybe I would be allowed upstairs once in a while if I can get my emotions under control. As it is right now, I cry any time I get in the car (I'm alone with my thoughts and they catch up with me then), and whenever I am home. Today, I got home from church and there were some things sitting on the table where I pick up my mail with a note from the landlady that they were for a service project I'm working on. I went to thank her, and I was already fighting back tears, and she looked sad too, maybe concerned. I know that she was trying not to hurt me when we had the talk about boundaries, but I think if I go upstairs and can't control my emotions, that would be unacceptable, and I can't, and it's getting worse.

She might talk to me a little about how she learned to be independent and live alone. I don't know. But when I start crying, she ends the conversation.

I really miss my animals. I go walk the dogs with my daughter sometimes, but hardly ever get to see my cats, and I'm scared that my ex will lose the house and get rid of them.