heya;

awhile ago I found out I might be gay-or bi, donno, whatever lol.

It is sooo weird talking about this ****, but maybe some of you can relate.
I am a female.......I can't believe I said that-anotomically I am...the same time, although I identify more with guys, I wouldn't want a sex change either-gives guys way to much credit lol. So what I have resolved to do is consider tomboys an entirely different race lol. (All of my 'female' friends I don't actually consider female, just part of something....better, and techniqually I don't like women either. Blah lol)...I know I know don't be hatin', I understand how..sexist(?) that is mentally....but oh man I HATE 'feminine' things being in anyway represented as me. No I will not hold your disgusting purse, type of thing (again, half of my mind knows how awful that sounds, but the other half agrees completly. lol!)

So...apparently I have mom issues lol; a lot of anger in general towards "female" things...all the sterotypical bs like weakness and flowers. lol.

Here is where this cluster**** gets even more complicated.....

I don't know if it's a lack of confidence thing or what-but I've seen some toughass butches, and I love them lol-but my personality is sooo not like that, despite how much I wish I was. I have no examples
If I try to act badass it always backfires...and these of course would be some of the more "masculine" (bs!) traits like strength and whatever. lol.

I feel like a pitbull trapped inside the body of a chiuhiua. lol. That is my perfect example lol. Misunderstood and made to fight but really all I want to do is be a protector. Only inside of a body that can express nothing. lol

This could go for a big, stalky, hairy guy that wishes he was a a princess in a pink dress-I could relate, only female-to-male verses male-to-female lol.

At this point I have no desire to take hormonal stuff, don't want a sex change, nona that lol. Just want to voice this and see if anyone can relate lol. Or have non "change your behavior" thoughts. lol

Take care,
-obj