I am currently in an undefined relationship with someone who I really like. However, he doesn't want a girlfriend and I'm not sure what to do about that. This is a new situation for me to be in so I'm trying to figure out how I feel about this and what to do.

It sounds like a simple situation, if I want a relationship, but he doesn't then I should just break away from him. However, my experience in relationships is very limited. I am 28 years old and this is the first relationship I have ever been in besides one when I was 15. When I was a teenager that relationship lasted 3 months and we never even kissed. We were just shy high schoolers. The one I am in now is very different. We are intimate with each other, see each other everyday, and have even gone on vacation together. However, I know that he is not my boyfriend and sometimes this is very hard for me to deal with.

My question though is about how I feel like this is my only chance to be in a relationship. Intellectually I know it sounds silly to say that this is my only chance at having a relationship, but for some reason I feel very strongly that when this is over that I will never meet anyone else. Maybe I have low self-esteem? Maybe I am just picky? I very rarely meet a guy that I am interested in who is also interested in me. The number of guys who have shown interest in me I can count on two hands. The number of guys I have been interested in I can count on one. This guy I am with now I have such strong feelings for. I have never felt like this. But I am not going to fool myself into thinking that he will be my boyfriend one day. I don't know what will happen in the future. He is already making plans for us to go on a trip a year from today to take me to my favorite restaurant, which just confuses me more. Recently we just came back from a trip to a city he used to live in. He showed me around to all the places he used to live, his favorite restaurants, and even his favorite parks that he would run in. I'm the only girl he has ever done this for. Even though these types of things sound like he wants to have a future with me I am not placing any type of bets on that happening.

I got a little off topic, but my main point is that I feel like I will never have this again with anyone. I don't know why I feel this way. I feel very lucky to have met him even though he is not perfect. I am a loner and like to spend most of my time by myself, but I can spend every second of the day with him and it doesn't bother me. I have never felt that way about anyone. Has anyone felt like this before? My mind tells me that this will pass and I may meet someone else who will want to be my boyfriend, but I cannot feel it in my heart.