thanks for all your replies. I enjoyed reading each of them... Some good points brought up too. I mean I don't think I was trying to make bipolar glamourous , cope tho yes. I do need a way to cope, or many ways to cope, and if that makes me weak, which I suspect it might. What else can I do, I can't let it swallow me whole, I have three small people counting on me. Sometimes I wish I could just lay down and let is wash over me and carry me away. But that is in my past. Coping is my future. Tired worn out future. Can the future be tired?