Hi im new here, i have been looking for a place like this for ages, i have been suffering from depression for a good few years now, but only had it diagnosed 2 years ago, at first admitting there was something wrong was hard, but i did and was put onto prozac, i stopped taking it Jan 05, but was soon back at the doctor, the symptoms had returned but this time it felt worse, i have a fear of leaving the house myself, and even more so staying in the house myself, i am also a recovering self harmer, but im ashamed to admit i cut last night, over the past week my partners uncle passed away, we had been expecting it, he was misdiagnosed a few years ago and told he has an ulcer, which turned out to be a very agressive throat and stomach cancer, well i had mentally prepared myself for the trip up north to the highlands of scotland, i live in glasgow, but that all changed when my partners dad phoned with arrangements for the funeral, they had to travel up thursday morning 6am and we found out wed night, i had no chance of taking my cats 50+ miles away as i dont drive so i couldnt go, so i had to stay in the house by myself, which i know is quite simple for most people, but i find it difficult to be left alone, i was doing really well until 11pm last night, i just cant shift the way i am feeling, i really want him here but he is 200+ miles away and his dad is holding a business meeting the day his brother is buried, i know people deal with their grief in their own way, but i am tearing my hair out here, i know that prob sounds selfish but i just cant help it, why cant i just be able to let my partner go away for a day and night and the next day without him worrying if i am going to be ok. i feel really bad that i have been blubbering all over him when he is the one who has lost an uncle, i felt so crap last night i cut again, he is going to be so disappointed when he sees what i have done, i feel like a failure, we have been through alot and he has even ended our relationship before which is purely because he didnt know what to do, he was at his wits end, i am so scared he will be angry with me, i was on the phone to him a few times and he has lost the rag but i havent done anything wrong, i know he is frustrated but so am i, i wish all this would just go away,