Quote:
Originally Posted by DivorcedWoman
My boyfriend is in a strange custody situation with his ex-wife who is a meth addict and he could at some point get custody of his daughter. My boyfriend feels that his daughter needs extra love and attention. He still sleeps in the same bed and she is 8 1/2 years old. I'm not worried that anything is going on sexually, but my teaching background and parenting make me diabolically opposed to this situation. I talked to him about it 6 months ago and said if he planned on getting custody of his daughter he needed to change this situation which he acknowledged that he would do that. We've been going out for 14 months and I got furious over it and approached him again about it to which he stated I am jealous. I stated that he needed to have a plan to transition this situation or I was going to end it. He said he had no plan on ending it. I told him to talk to his friend that is a child custody evaluator and a counselor to which he said he would get mixed responses so what is the point. I'm in a quandry here. I have talked to many people...professionals and friends and all of them have said it is inappropriate.
He is overly affectionate with his daughter and does anything for her at the drop of a hat and the sleeping thing is quiet frankly starting to creep me out. I'm not expecting him to all of a sudden start sleeping with me in the same bed if he transitions his daughter to her own bed, but it's getting to be too much for me. He thinks I'm jealous and blowing things out of proportion and his mother says there is no problem with this which I don't think her opinion counts for much as she raised her children poorly.
Any thoughts on this situation?
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I dont see anything wrong with parents sharing their kids beds and the kids sharing the parents beds. theres even a name for it - communal sleeping, bed sharing and many other names.
in the USA its not as common as other countries but it still is widely used in some cultures and religions and locations.
I slept with my parents and siblings well into my teen age yrs. in fact even after we could afford half the beds we needed we all had the bed sharing down pat. this one slept with this one and that one slept with that one and my mother slept my dad and at least two others.
theres millions of homeless people in the US sharing beds between the parents and the children.
theres millions of people in domestic violence shelters bed sharing and room sharing.
even with the foster care system they dont always have enough beds to go around so bed sharing and room sharing goes on between foster children and between the foster children and foster parents.
in the USA theres nothing wrong with it as long as no abuse is going on and everyone doing the bed sharing is getting enough sleep.
its actually quite natural and in some cases instinctual for parents to sleep with their children either in the childs beds or bringing the children to the parents beds.
also bed sharing is not illegal in the USA.
as long as this guy doing the bed sharing is an adult and you are not his court appointed guardian with decision making rights over him theres nothing you can do. you cant not control who he brings to his bed whether its another lady, guy or his children and you can not control where he sleeps either.
all you can control is what you do with your own self. that means you can either -
accept the fact that this guy has a very close bond with his children and will continue to do so even if it means he is going to bring his children to his bed or sleep in their beds with them and continue to share your life with him and have a life together with him and his children
or
you can not accept this is the way its going to be and move on out of his and his childrens lives.
as long as theres no abuse going on he is legally and ethically able to continue sleeping with his children either in his bed or theirs.
