SallyBrown and Skysblue,

I really appreciate the support around this. SallyBrown, I think you really helped crystalize for me some of what hankster said and helped me recognize the difference between what I thought may be happening to him. What you went through, and the way that your mother transmitted her issues to you-- it must have been difficult to cope with. I am sorry that you had to go through that. But that's clearly not what I'm doing to my son, so I guess I have not done at least that thing wrong.

Skysblue, I'm not at the place you are, where you can look back on your healthy grown children, and think about how you wish you might have done things differently. But I know that everyone I've known whose kids are grown feels tormented by at least a few mistakes they feel they've made. It's inevitable when you love your kids as much as you do and when you care about doing the right thing by them. That is a good thing.

Anne