Twisted Soul,
I know it's hard. No one "wants" their littles but that is also one of the reasons we have them. I agree with Pegusus. In many ways, we are the parents. When things are difficult, remember that they need our support and love. I know it's hard and I wish I could make all of your pain go away.
Be gentle to all of yourselves,
Anne
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"It is good to have an end to journey toward, but it is the journey that matters in the end.