Its been coming on gradually for a while but its full on now.
I didnt go to sleep last night, but did a 9 hour shift fine, i was productive at work, although didnt really feel like i was there.
Spent the whole night in a weird state, felt like there was a carnival going on in my head. I tried counting but couldnt get past ten for a while, my mind just couldnt stay put at all.
I dont want to see anyone, i just feel hard an numb, but wired at the same time.
I dont want to kill myself, i wish i could murder myself, killing yourself sounds like you feel sorry for yourself, but i hate myself so much if i could step out of my body i think i would shoot me or stab me.
Having said i had a good day at work, when i went on my break i wanted to smash windows and mirrors.
I cant feel like i actually care about anything or anyone, and everyone is getting on my nerves.
I finished work at 5.30 and i've only just got home, i spent three hours walking about in the rain to try and get my head straight but i couldnt.
I'm taking my meds every day, dont see why i have to feel like this.
I wonder if i will sleep tonight.
I have EMDR tomorrow, but i dont know whether i should actually do it, because you're not meant to do it, if you're not feeling good.
rant over