Quote:
Originally Posted by widgets
Its been coming on gradually for a while but its full on now.
I didnt go to sleep last night, but did a 9 hour shift fine, i was productive at work, although didnt really feel like i was there.
Spent the whole night in a weird state, felt like there was a carnival going on in my head. I tried counting but couldnt get past ten for a while, my mind just couldnt stay put at all.
I dont want to see anyone, i just feel hard an numb, but wired at the same time.
I dont want to kill myself, i wish i could murder myself, killing yourself sounds like you feel sorry for yourself, but i hate myself so much if i could step out of my body i think i would shoot me or stab me.
Having said i had a good day at work, when i went on my break i wanted to smash windows and mirrors.
I cant feel like i actually care about anything or anyone, and everyone is getting on my nerves.
I finished work at 5.30 and i've only just got home, i spent three hours walking about in the rain to try and get my head straight but i couldnt.
I'm taking my meds every day, dont see why i have to feel like this.
I wonder if i will sleep tonight.
I have EMDR tomorrow, but i dont know whether i should actually do it, because you're not meant to do it, if you're not feeling good.
rant over
|
what is EMDR? my sister committed suicide and i have to tell you, she was a murderer and a victim , herself in both cases. i don't know what state she was in when she did it, but for those left like me, it will always hurt. if for no other reason to stick around , be there for someone who loves you and cares.. when i quit sleeping , i got really ill and ended up in the hospital. things looked up really quick once i got back to sleeping. i don't know how you can go to work without some sleep. meds dont' solve my feelings. they help me deal with day to day issues, or whatever. hope to hear things are improving.