Hey Star! I'm sorry that you're facing all of these things. It sounds like a lot.

I do know how you're feeling. I lost both of my parents several years ago, I'm not all that close to my brother and he's far away anyway. I have one Grandmother that I speak to every couple weeks. I was divorced about 10 years ago. And I don't really have any friends and no other close family. I know alone. It sucks.

And there have been those really bad times where I wanted to call it a day. On the few days where things weren't quite as bad I kept trying to come up with the big grand plan for my life that would keep me going. And I never seemed to find it. I wasted a lot of time looking for that plan.

I guess the only thing I've discovered is that you can only live today. You can't do anything about yesterday. And you can't do much about tomorrow until it's here. So, I learned and am still learning to live today. You find the little things that bring you just a little joy.

I lost my dog recently and against my better judgement I went into a pet store today. They had these 4 little puppies in this little display thingy, where you could pet them. Oh my god, they were cute. I was the only one around so I put my arm in to pet one of them and they all jumped up on my arm and were chewing on my shirt cuff. And they were so happy for the attention. In that moment my sadness went away. Just for a few minutes I had just the most joy in my heart.

You learn to live for those moments, whatever they are. They don't happen all the time and I'm not sure you can make them happen. But if you can learn to recognize that they're happening and relish them, that can sustain you.

Sorry, that got a little long winded. I just wanted you to know that I know a little of how you're feeling and I hope you'll find those little bits of joy that can keep you going.