@Sidestepper – I don’t think I have an “I can’t” mindset. But there are a few things I’ve tried, so I know they aren’t working. And it just seems so difficult, so I keep wondering what’s the point. Why am I even trying? I’d like to just curl up and die. I’m glad the PT is working for you. But that’s definitely not something I can afford right now. I don’t have good insurance, it’s individual insurance meaning I purchased it myself. I have only two doctor visits a year, and I’m way beyond that.

@JD – I have been in therapy and told my t my concerns that I have PTSD and or OCD. She agreed that both were likely and suggested I see a pdoc, but hasn’t given me any tips on how to deal. In her defense, it might not be her specialty.
@Skeksi – It’s not that I get the feeling of not being able to breath, but that I can’t breath in as long as they say to, or breath out as long as they say to. I’ll have to take a look at that article later, I’m having a difficult time staying awake and concentrating right now. I need a nap. And thanks for the well wishes!

@Laceylu – That Sensorimotor thing sounds right up my alley. Often when I have a hard time staying awake I balance on one foot – it helps a ton. Did I mention I have Narcolepsy? And I often go to the restroom to do it. But I’ve also done it at the copier too! And I’ll try googling Bellaruth N later, I need to go lie down now.

@All - And I’m trying to get into see a pdoc. On top of all this I've been mentally sick for the last couple of years due to a drug interaction, which I just recently found out about. Although I’ve been complaining of the symptoms to several doctors over the years, but not one of them took me seriously. Enter my fear of medications and distrust of doctors. Anyway to stop the drug interaction, I’m being weaned off of Lexapro (a SSRI). And apparently Lexapro is one of the most difficult ones to get off of. So I’m going through withdrawals that are messing with my body and my mind. Additionally this drug interaction plus my Narcolepsy has caused me to lose all my friends throughout the years.

My doc told me to wait to see a pdoc or a different neurologist until I’m completely off the Lexapro. I finished the last pill a couple of days ago, but it is still in my system and will remain there for sometime; I’m really not sure how long that is. But after how I felt last Thursday, I’ve decided to try to schedule an appointment as soon as possible. I just found one who is a P doc and a Neurologist, so I plan to call tomorrow.

Believe me, I don’t want to have PTSD or OCD for that matter. A friend who has OCD kept telling me different things in my behavior were OCD, and I kept resisting. I finally took an online test for OCD and I had 17 out of 21, positive for OCD. I realize this isn’t definitive, but it makes it much more likely. And then I read an article on how PTSD and OCD are very similar, the major difference being a traumatic event and that traumatic event repeating itself in the person’s mind. I still realize this doesn’t make it certain, which is why I am trying to go to a pdoc.

So what happened? Well, I waited over 30 yrs to lose my virginity, except that it was basically taken from me by my bf. We had discussed having sex, I stressed my uncertainty that I was ready, stressed if we were to have sex that there would HAVE to be condoms used (I can’t take birth control). He assured me he’d wait, that the most important thing to him was to hold me. I guess those were all lines because he didn’t wait and no condom was used; I’ll spare you the rest of the details.

I used to have a HUGE support group on FB, but someone very close to me there betrayed my trust. She took things that I told her in confidence, about my traumatic event, and shared them with my ex as well as a few other people.

From all of this, I’m almost positive that I have PTSD and/or OCD.

Thanks everyone for your advice and support. It means more to me than you can know.