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Wishingonastar, some random thoughts in no particular order....
Be sure there's a power of attorney in place for you to make medical decisions for your mother in case she and your father are not able to make decisions for her. If she has a living will be sure the nursing home has a copy. If she has a DNR (do not resesicate) be sure the nursing home has a copy of that.
Ygrec, was spot on about brain damage causing personality and behavior changes. For your sake try to remember that "mean" comments are not personal. Maybe you can help your dad see that. It's not easy.
For me one of the hardest parts or dealing with Alzheimer's was watching my mother slip away before her body died.
Would your dad be willing to go to an Alzeheimer's support group? Maybe you could persuade him to go to be there to support you?
Your dad may never cry about your mom, or he might not be willing to cry in front of others. Can you come to terms with that? Let him grieve in his own way. And dealing with Alzheimer's is an ongoing greiving process. At the same time if you need to cry let 'er rip. There were nights that I would leave from visiting my mom and sit in my truck bawling my head off before I drove home.
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