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Whether they think I’m easily duped or gullible, or even sometimes may think I’m being fake or have an ulterior motive. Sure, it upsets me a great deal, but in the end, it just makes me sad. I ‘m a friendly person by nature, and sometimes I feel like there isn’t any point anymore. The bad part is I’ve probably been ‘cold’ to the nice people at times when I’m just at my wit’s end from being treated crappily. Whether it’s from superficial or snobby people, or people who are by nature untrusting of people, or those who are simply 'all business.' That’s how I’m becoming more and more these days. It’s becoming harder and harder to maintain relationships. There are a handful of acquaintances’ that have the potential to turn into real friendships but it’s a struggle for me to maintain them amid all the people out there that I’ve described up above. Not only that. I’m a very lonely person, and I try not to come across as to nice or too ‘needy/clingy” I’ve grown apart from my childhood friends, both figuratively and physically- plus the few true friends I had in college (I had too many toxic friends that I no longer have contact with) I lost contact due to dropping and breaking my phone this one time towards the end of my senior year- though they could’ve called me, and I could’ve emailed them but time had made me shy, stupidly. Now I feel like I don’t know how to make friends anymore and/or sometimes I just feel like ‘who needs them,’ bitterly.Of course, I don't think I've ever really known how I've made friends, it's just sort of 'happened' which I'm sure is the same for everyone else, but now I feel maybe I'm an emotional cripple of something, I don't know.
So now, all I have is family and my boyfriend, who is so sweet- but I know the dangers of being too clingy to my family of my bf, I don’t want to push him or them away- I’m a wreck sometimes, and people I come across in my daily work life can really set me off and I just struggle to not let them knock me down /ruin my day. I work retail, (which I hate but settled after being laid off in 2009), and I’m currently studying for a new career (CNA) and it couldn’t come soon enough on days like today.
PS. I forgot to mention what really irked me today: noticing that another person (I've noticed a handful of people doing this to ma lately) who has always been friendly, towards me and everyone, notcieably looked like she'd rather not talk to me (I saw her see me and looked upset and wasn't convinceingly nice to me like I had done something and she couldn't wait to get away from me) WTF?! So upsetting! then I saw her be all friendly/normal to this other coworker of mine. I don't get it/ Stuff like this really gets to me.
Last edited by DespondentDaisy; Sep 05, 2011 at 09:55 PM.
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