I've been trying so hard not to hurt myself, but just a few minutes ago, I said, "Screw it!" and started to punch and hit myself. I beat my back with a braided leather belt until all I could see were red welts everywhere. I just can't stand this pain and this anger. I don't know how to handle these emotions.

No one is ever there when I truly need them, when this sort of thing is about to happen. Everyone is too tired, too busy and preoccupied, too busy doing other things. No one seems to understand. They just think I'm "sad". I just want to stop hurting. I just want to be happy and free of this pain.