Hey everyone.

Well It's been just over 2 months since I posted on here so I'd thought I'd write something. I'm not even sure what to write or where to start. I guess I just needed somewhere to write. I'm a bit all over the place at the minute.

I finished college for good which I'm so happy about. I thought I would fail but I passed the course somehow so I'm pleased with that. I know I probably could of gotten better but at least I did try.

Health wise there isn't really much to say.. The doctor told me I'm anemic and I have vitamin d defientcy but I'm slowly getting better from them. I'm still going back to the doctors quite a but though because I'm still haven't test to check if there is anything else wrong with me. It's a long fustrating process but I guess I have to go through it all if I ever want to get better.

My summer hasn't been the best but I still went out with my friends more than I thought I would.. So yeah. I'm just glad I could get out the house sometimes. My friends really did take my mind off everything for a while.

Now summer is over though I'm starting to feel really really lost. I've decided not to go back to education for now and so now I'm trying to work out what to do with myself. I know I need a job but I have no idea what to do. I've tried looking online but it's hard. The amount of times my mum has said that 'I can't lay in bed all day anymore' and told me to 'sort myself out' is starting to really bug me. I know I can't lay around anymore and I need to get out there but something is stopping me. I'm still not motivated at all and the thought of working scares me.

I don't know what kind of job I can do or anything. I need something easy to start off with like an office job but I have no idea how to find one. I get tired out so easily and I know I'm going to struggle if I make myself do a shop job where I have to walk around and stand all day so I'm just trying to avoid those kind of jobs.

I really am so tired though and I'm so fustrated and depressed. I don't know what to do with myself. My brother went back to school today and my mums at work so it's the first time I'm on my own all day for ages. I just feel like crying and sleeping because I feel so alone. I haven't really got anyone I can talk to most of the time about everything. No one gets how hard I'm finding just been awake everyday. I'm so fed up.

This is a bit rambly so sorry about that.. I was just wondering if anyone had any sort of advice for me. I really do need the money but how can I be motivated and stuff.. I haven't even written a cv yet. :/